So far, reactions to my undertaking have been varied. From raised eyebrows, to supportive 'you can do it' to 'I have stuff you can borrow' to just plain 'really?' but with that look that says 'you're crazy.'
I think now is the time to talk about some specifics. First of all, this is obviously not going to be a full blown, sit down dinner somewhere in the Hamptons for 350 of our closest friends. That would be impossible to do on a $1,000 budget. I'm not that crazy.
I just finished reading a book called Altared, edited by Colleen Curran. It's a collection of essays written by women who were asked to talk about their wedding experience. I highly recommend it, it's a terrific collection. One of the last essays, by Dani Shapiro says: "The ring, the dress, the proposal, the place cards and flowers, the music, the minister or rabbi or justice of the peace-it will all add up to exactly nothing. There will be a moment when it's all over."
And that's what I'm trying to keep in mind as we put this event together. Yes, I want a Big Day. Yes, I want celebration and friends and family to share it with. I want pictures to capture the moments I might miss, and a dress to look at and remember it as My Special Wedding Dress. But I want to keep it in perspective as well. It's one day; one day that is the beginning of many we'll have together. I think making out the wedding day to be the biggest and best day of your life is kind of sad. What does that say about the rest of your days together?
So. Back to the logistics. A useful tool I found was a budget calculator on www.theknot.com. The calculator lets you enter the number of guests and your dollar amount, remove categories that are not relevant to your own wedding, and comes up with a breakdown for you. Since we're not planning on having hordes of attendants or a DJ or a wedding coordinator, there were a lot of categories I could eliminate. So, submitted for your approval, is a break down of my supposed budget (these numbers are based on 40 guests. The topic of the guest list is another post entirely....but for fun, let's just pretend we've agreed on 40 guests):
Reception Venue Rentals $80.00
Food Service $300.00
Beverages $80.00
Cake(s) & Cutting Fee $25.00
The Gown & Alterations $60.00
Bride's Accessories $10.00
Hair & Makeup $5.00
Prewedding Pampering $5.00
Groom's Tux or Suit $6.00
Groom's Accessories $3.00
Officiant Fee/Donation $10.00
Bride's Bouquet $7.50
Groom & Groomsmen Boutonnieres $2.00
Reception Decorations & Centerpieces $40.00
Ceremony Decorations $14.00
Photographer $60.00
Videographer $50.00
Additional Prints & Videos $10.00
Invitations & Reply Cards $25.00
Other Stationery $5.00
His Ring $10.00
Her Ring $10.00
Favors $15.00
TOTAL COST OF WEDDING $832.50
A few things really stick out to me. One, the marriage license fee is missing, and that's an expense we can't get around. I think in Texas it's around $40. Two, it's highly unlikely we'll get anyone to officiate for $10. Another point that sticks out is that the chance of finding a suitable outfit for my Beloved for $6 seems pretty improbable. Not impossible, just unlikely. Spending $5 on my hair and makeup apiece isn't going to happen. I'm not that easy. And ten bucks a pop for our rings just doesn't seem practical. In fact, I'm not going to include the rings in the budget at all because I consider those to be gifts to each other, and our own out of pocket expense. (And also because the ring I have my eye on would pretty much wipe out the entire budget.)
To date I've spent $66 on white Christmas lights in the hopes that we would be able to wind them around all the lovely trees in the backyard of the house we're trying to buy. According to the 'Ceremony Decorations' category, I'm already over budget.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The challenge is accepted
So I said to me, "I'll accept your challenge." But before we get too into the nitty gritty, how about a little background on how this came to be, shall we?
As previously stated, I'm a thirty something living in Texas. I met my lovely fee-on-say (I'm new to blogging and can't seem to figure out how to put an accent above an 'e' without causing all kinds of formatting problems. So I'm going to have to get creative until I figure it out.) in a roundabout sort of way almost 4 years ago, on a cool, drizzly night in Seattle, which was my home town at the time. We hit it off immediately and after some back and forth-ing, I picked up and moved to his hometown, Austin. I was lucky enough to not have to make this giant leap alone. As luck would have it, my nearest and dearest girlfriend in Seattle was ready for a change. She sold her condo, dumped her boyfriend and the two of us spent 6 days in a U-Haul driving across the country. With three cats.
After nearly a year in Austin, we learned a beautiful bouncing baby boy was on the way (whoops) so we moved in together. As I write this we're in the process of attempting to purchase our first home.
So you can see, I'm not exactly a stickler for tradition.
When my studmuffin proposed on Christmas Day of 2009, I of course said yes and that is how we got here. After a little discussion, we agreed that we want a wedding, and we want people there and food and flowers and all the stuff you think of when you think of weddings. (As apposed to, say, eloping or a quickie Justice of the Peace.)
We're planning a wedding using solely our own financial resources. Since we're a little older than average newly weds, and have been living together and have a child together, it just seemed silly to expect or ask for financial contribution from our families. (And because when you foot the bill, you call all the shots.)
So we (and by 'we' I mean 'me' because I'm the girl and the one that cares about junk like flowers and candles and themes) are going to have to be creative in how we pull this off. But I'm confident it can be done. I'm so confident it can be done I'm documenting it for the world (or my 3 friends and my mom) to see.
The first thing we did when we came back to earth was start discussing a date. We didn't get very far though, because when you're trying to buy a house with a floating closing date and waffling sellers, that date is awfully hard to nail down. In order to make any solid plans, it'd be helpful to know we're not going to be moving boxes or in the throes of a major kitchen redo when we say our "I do's." So as of right now, the answer to The Big Question is; we don't know. This summer, if the star are aligned.
As previously stated, I'm a thirty something living in Texas. I met my lovely fee-on-say (I'm new to blogging and can't seem to figure out how to put an accent above an 'e' without causing all kinds of formatting problems. So I'm going to have to get creative until I figure it out.) in a roundabout sort of way almost 4 years ago, on a cool, drizzly night in Seattle, which was my home town at the time. We hit it off immediately and after some back and forth-ing, I picked up and moved to his hometown, Austin. I was lucky enough to not have to make this giant leap alone. As luck would have it, my nearest and dearest girlfriend in Seattle was ready for a change. She sold her condo, dumped her boyfriend and the two of us spent 6 days in a U-Haul driving across the country. With three cats.
After nearly a year in Austin, we learned a beautiful bouncing baby boy was on the way (whoops) so we moved in together. As I write this we're in the process of attempting to purchase our first home.
So you can see, I'm not exactly a stickler for tradition.
When my studmuffin proposed on Christmas Day of 2009, I of course said yes and that is how we got here. After a little discussion, we agreed that we want a wedding, and we want people there and food and flowers and all the stuff you think of when you think of weddings. (As apposed to, say, eloping or a quickie Justice of the Peace.)
We're planning a wedding using solely our own financial resources. Since we're a little older than average newly weds, and have been living together and have a child together, it just seemed silly to expect or ask for financial contribution from our families. (And because when you foot the bill, you call all the shots.)
So we (and by 'we' I mean 'me' because I'm the girl and the one that cares about junk like flowers and candles and themes) are going to have to be creative in how we pull this off. But I'm confident it can be done. I'm so confident it can be done I'm documenting it for the world (or my 3 friends and my mom) to see.
The first thing we did when we came back to earth was start discussing a date. We didn't get very far though, because when you're trying to buy a house with a floating closing date and waffling sellers, that date is awfully hard to nail down. In order to make any solid plans, it'd be helpful to know we're not going to be moving boxes or in the throes of a major kitchen redo when we say our "I do's." So as of right now, the answer to The Big Question is; we don't know. This summer, if the star are aligned.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
In the beginning.......
there was a ring. And that magical, life changing question. There were tears, and congratulations, and champagne and Facebook updating. Followed shortly by the record scratch of reality as we came crashing back to earth when someone said "So. When is the big day?"
Oh right. That. The Big Day. It's called a 'big day' because allegedly it is the most important day of your life, the day you join hands and hearts and commit to thick and thin and sickness and health. It's not called The Expensive Day, and I think that's for a reason.
So I've decided to propose (tee hee) a challenge to myself. My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to plan a wedding, with guests and flowers and a dress and cake and all the adornments, for $1,000. Think I can do it?
So, in brief, the who, what, when, where, and why are:
Who: Me, thirtysomething bride to be
What: a wedding with flair on a budget that won't break the bank
When: I'll have to get back to you on that
Where: ditto
Why: Because I like a challenge. Because we're in our thirties and it seems silly to expect financial help from our families. Because I'm practical and reasonable and feel like the 'average' wedding setting you back twenty grand or more isn't for us. Because, let's be honest, we'd rather drop the big dough on the honeymoon.
Oh right. That. The Big Day. It's called a 'big day' because allegedly it is the most important day of your life, the day you join hands and hearts and commit to thick and thin and sickness and health. It's not called The Expensive Day, and I think that's for a reason.
So I've decided to propose (tee hee) a challenge to myself. My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to plan a wedding, with guests and flowers and a dress and cake and all the adornments, for $1,000. Think I can do it?
So, in brief, the who, what, when, where, and why are:
Who: Me, thirtysomething bride to be
What: a wedding with flair on a budget that won't break the bank
When: I'll have to get back to you on that
Where: ditto
Why: Because I like a challenge. Because we're in our thirties and it seems silly to expect financial help from our families. Because I'm practical and reasonable and feel like the 'average' wedding setting you back twenty grand or more isn't for us. Because, let's be honest, we'd rather drop the big dough on the honeymoon.
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